United Airlines passenger removal procedural guidelines

United Airlines passenger removal procedural guidelines reaccommodation

re: United Airlines passenger removal procedural guidelines

Here at United Airlines we pride ourselves on a wonderfully fulfilling customer experience, no matter what that fulfilling experience may be, or for whom. When an opportunity arises to remove a passenger from the plane, our personnel go the extra mile to make sure it will be a moment to remember. As a United employee or airport security agent, please adhere to these strict guidelines.

For flight crew

1. Prepare the problem: If you’re going to remove someone from the plane, be sure that all passengers are already aboard, their luggage stowed, and their consciences comfortable in their sense of imminent departure.

United passengers were already comfy

2. Diagnose the problem: Announce that 4 passengers must relinquish their seats to United employees. Always remember that our employees matter so much more than our customers. Our algorithms indicated that we’d have space for our people, but the customers overbooked the flight, so they have to accommodate us for their mistake.

Fuck you, United passengers

3. Don’t try too hard to solve the problem: Incentivize passengers to voluntarily forfeit their seats. Begin at 400 dollars and an iffy promise for a future flight. If there are no takers, offer 800. DO NOT OFFER ANY MORE THAN THIS AMOUNT TO THE GREEDY BASTARDS. We’re an airline for God’s sake, not a bank.

Our United Airlines passengers are the greediest pigs

4. Exacerbate the situation: Inform the passengers that they will now be forced to participate in a social contract to voluntarily leave the flight if their seat number is randomly pulled from a pilot’s hat. Do not give any special consideration to their individual lives, especially if they have foreigny accents and claim to be a “doctor.”

United flight attendants love to be the boss of you, with a bit of KY

5. Give a final ultimatum: When a passenger refuses to leave, do not show sensitivity for their personal circumstances. Stay rigid and unmoving. Do not try to problem-solve the issue in a  more humane way. What’s important is that you’re right and they’re wrong and you don’t need to hear logical arguments from anyone.

6. Enforce your law: Make sure you call at least three large-bodied police or security guards. Make sure one is visibly jacked on testosterone and authority. Make sure he knows there is no other way–the passenger must be removed at all costs for the safety of the planet.

Airport security is like a walking bag of meat ready to burst and spew bloody cum over everyone

For officers

1. Grab them immediately: Come at the passenger with the full might of your body. Do not concern yourself with their possible medical condition. This must be a surprise attack. Yank with all your force without raising the armrest. His screams are just an act, fake news.

United Airlines guidelines for passengers

2. Make a show of it: Don’t bother treating this person as a human. Drag them down the aisle so that all can see. Go for effect and make sure their clothes start to come off. If it is a female passenger, grab her by the p—-. Don’t listen to the passengers telling you how horrible you are being, they’re just jealous of your muscles. Let them record the whole thing to later upload to Youtube. Any publicity is good publicity.

United airlines is the worst


60 thoughts on “United Airlines passenger removal procedural guidelines

  1. People who get so incredibly butthurt about this refuse to understand why United couldn’t just let everybody stay on the plane and sing kumbaya.

    Was it inconvenient that the plane boarded before they found out they needed four seats for deadheading employees? Yes.
    Should taking a later domestic flight be worth more than a thousand dollars? No.
    If nobody’s willing to volunteer for a reasonable amount, how should you select who gets bumped? Pull ’em from a hat.
    If the selected people refuse to leave, what do you do? Call the police to make them leave, because they actually do have to leave, it’s not optional, and defying flight crew instructions is criminal, disruptive, and dangerous to everybody on the plane.
    Did the police behave responsibly? No.
    Did United instruct the police to behave the way they did? No.

    Here’s why it was important to get those employees to Louisville: THERE’S ABOUT TO BE A DEPARTURE FROM LOUISVILLE THAT WILL NEED THEM. If four people were not removed from Republic 3411, there’d be another flight sitting at the gate in Louisville with its thumb up its ass while United gave every 3411 passenger a sweet little kiss on the forehead. United considers it more important to have a crew available on time for AN ENTIRE FLIGHT than to never ever bump anybody from a flight who doesn’t want to be bumped.

    1. Yeah, they do it all the time. But they do it before the passengers board! And, uh, there should be protocol for not going ape shit on a passenger who just won’t budge. I call Bullshit, dude

      1. Well, United didn’t go ape shit on anybody, so that’s a complain for the Aviation Police.

        1. Yup. But their protocol needs to deal with this kind of thing before boarding folks, and they should have wiggle room for passengers who simply won’t budge. I mean, at that point they’re already beyond ‘fair’, so going to the next random seat number would be better than sicin’ the dogs don’t you think?

      2. It won’t let me reply below, but the trouble with treating it like a negotiation with passengers who “won’t budge” means all the next selectee has to do is “not budge.” And if you allow that, you’ve allowed a federal criminal to remain on the plane by committing a federal crime. Why reward that?

    2. The doctor they forcibly removed also had a valid reason to need to be on that flight. It’s not the fault of the passengers if United messed up, it’s common procedure for airlines to over-book flights on purpose. It is entirely United’s fault, irrelevant of who’s side you take on this, and the passengers shouldn’t have to of suffered the way they did.

    3. Oh, my god, thank you for being rational. I’ve been trying to explain this to people for 24 hours. United made a PR mistake, they don’t control law enforcement

      1. Yes Lenny, of course they DO control law enforcement, to the point they even call multiple officers to get on the plane – or they don’t call them.

    4. Stupid reply, sorry, if the employees needed to get to louisville, they should have rented a car or limo, it is only an 8 hour drive at most, look what it cost them in publicity and a lawsuit that the DOCTOR they assaulted will clearly and justifiably proceed on, what they did is despicable and reprehensible and they ought to pay dearly for their lack of respect for customers

      1. You want flight crew stuck on the road for eight hours instead of taking a 1.5 hour flight to their duty station? Not it, Arthur.

      2. 8 hour drive is not that big of a deal. I was stuck in Atlanta for three days because United ticketing system was fubared. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. They also had the option of placing the crew on a competitors airline rather than be party to a beat down on a paying customer

    5. A doctor has to see his patients. People’s lives depend on that. If there is a medical emergency, you want the doctor on the plane. Your occupation, your contract with society and the commitments you have on your busy schedule should also be taken into consideration when deciding who gets bumped. United has turned into a communist regime in that sense; we are not all the same and certain professions should be respected if the absence of that person may significantly affect others who depend on his or her service.

      1. Nobody seems to want to apply that to flight crew who need to be moved quickly to avoid delaying other doctors on another flight. But hey, they’re just airline employees, so who cares, right?

    6. Hmmm. But why did UA wait until so late to transport the crew? Why didn’t UA reserve 4 seats to transport this crew? Just like the flight crew, the passengers want to get where they want to go when they want to go there. And the passengers PAID for the service. Lack of planning on UA’s part does not constitute an “emergency” for paying passengers.Maybe UA could have put their people on another airline? Narrow solution pool.

    7. The airline made the mistake, the airline should pay. They could have easily found another flight for their staff. On another airline or charter a small plane. Cost should not be a factor. They will lose money over this. If I was on that flight, I would have encouraged everyone to leave the plane after the incident.

    8. Boo Hoo! So everyone else is suppose to just put their lives on hold because the airline was to stupid to have a built in buffer in their available seats when selling tickets. The employees knew where they had to be and when they had to be there, so maybe they should have planned better. If that is their version of customer service I hope they follow the dinosaurs and become extinct! Pretty funny that Websters tweeted the meaning of “volunteer” to them.

    9. So, I just want to understand your position here … delaying a doctor, who has people’s lives in his / her care, is more important to you then a delayed flight ??
      For the record, United Airlines scheduled BOTH flights, and their staff … they knew IN ADVANCE that four seats would be required to get staff to the next flight… The paying customer, who bookedin advance, and in good faith, should have the right to that seat! The caveat of course, is to follow decent and respectful laws. But having an obscure law, that says you the paying customer, has no rights at all even though we (the corporation) took your money and gave you a ticket… is a bunch of BS! (And we all know it!)

      Now I see that the airlines stocks have dropped (about 1 billion dollars worth !) serves them right! Maybe they will learn from this – “a no overbooking policy like Westjet ??)

      Corporations need to get their heads out of their asses !!! An airline is in the business of transporting paying customers… without these paying customers, they would not be in business ! And they schedule the flights and staff for the flights – this is not something the paying customers would know in advance… otherwise, they might change the flights – or book elsewhere.

      And a thousand bucks — that’s a joke !
      Most people have to plan a vacation well in advance, they book hotel rooms, car rentals, for children to have care (if kids are not flying with them) – not to mention arranging time off at work / getting shifts covered… all of this is worth way more then a lousy grand!

    10. Here’s the reason you’re a thoughtless moron, Ken S.

      It was important to the airline to get their 4 employees to Louisville.
      It was of no significance, importance or value to the passengers, where United wants those employees.

      Customers cannot and should not have to make their plans around United’s future operational wants.
      Customers entered into a contract with United to have themselves & luggage transported between A and B.

      Flying on United is not the only way of getting employees from A to B. If United has already sold all the seats on that flight, then United has several choices. These include
      1. sending the employees on another airline
      2. hiring a car and driver to take the employees to B (a 4 hour drive).
      3. renting a car, and asking the employees to drive themselves
      4. offer bigger and better incentives to customers, until enough customers agree to be bumped.

      The worst possible choice is to let all passengers board, and then pick an elderly Asian doctor to drag off the plane. The doctor has already paid for that seat, and is occupying it, with all his luggage on board and in the hold.

      I’m sorry you are too stupid to think of these different ways to handle what has become an existential crisis for United.

    11. And here’s what you don’t understand- United Airlines is a service-oriented company, and they simply cannot pick which customer to drag along the aisle and be chucked out of the plane. The only thing they should’ve done is just present the offer to all the flight passengers, and if none obliged just get on with it. If they wanted to get their 4 employees to the flight in Louisville that badly, they should’ve chartered a plane for them or something. Afterall, it’s THEIR problem, not the passengers’. I’m sure at least someone would’ve obliged if they had handled this sensitively.

    12. I was going to reply to this angrily, then I noticed that “Ken S.” must just be the next moniker of infamous internet troll “Ken M.” There is no way you could possibly be serious. Keep on trollin’ man. 🙂

    13. You’re telling me that United didn’t know before that moment with a fully boarded plane that those employees were scheduled to work at that other airport and needed to get there that day? Most workplaces issue schedules with at least a week’s notice. If United knew they were flying their employees and that they’d be late or miss a day if they didn’t, they should have reserved the seats and made sure they weren’t a part of the booking process. When I’m stuck in traffic on 95 on my way to work, I have to be accountable for not planning ahead. My employer doesn’t send in a bulldozer to push other drivers off the road to get me to work on time.

      1. So I used to be a flight attendant and I can say that UA probably did not know they needed a crew there. Another flight was probably delayed and an on call crew was immediately dispatched. Common and proper procedure.
        What I don’t understand is why you all think this doctor had a valid reason to remain in the flight above other passengers?? What about a mother getting to her dying son? Or a family that doesn’t get to say goodbye to grandpa. No one can determine show has a more valid reason of being on a flight! If the doctor needed to be home at a certain time he should have booked a flight a day early. Also very common practice with any imperative travel. With airline delays, all travelers need to make certain they leave enough time to get where they need to go, allowing for all possible delays. Unless an emergency. Which then passengers have a right to show proper documentation to obtain the first available flight. It’s not difficult people. PREPARE for the worst as anything can happen.. from a sick crew member to a broken plane. Better to bump 4 than make then next plane of 180 late.. And their next destination and next..

        1. I’d say everything you say is legitimate. But no situation justifies the man’s injuries.

    14. Excuse me, but whose fault was it that United found out at the last minute that they had no staff in Louisville for the imminently departing flight there? United totally at fault for the cock-up, so let them just charter an exec jet to get the staff there on time. Easy.

    15. What you fail to recognize is that people are not protected under consumer law in this instance- which is the actual problem. People PAY for a product. You, as a business, should not be able to take back something from someone after they have already paid for it, simply because you’re accounting practices show you will make a higher profit margin based off of the sheer chance that someone might not show up for their flight. You sold those seats. They, in effect, are no longer yours to kick someone out of. If they needed the seats for employees it was their responsibility to calculate that into the seats which were available to sell.

      It’s a shady business practice that isn’t allowed in any other industry, except for flight. It’s a problem and it should be addressed BEFORE terrible things happen. Oh but wait… they just did and now people are paying attention. Ooopsie.

  2. I just have to wonder what kind of money hungry company doesn’t make allowances for such things. Should there not be a couple seats left spare for emergencies, or have on call staff in the area of need not having to fly them in.

      1. If Ken is with United
        And poop comes from butts
        Then Ken comes from butts too?

  3. Screw these selfish passengers. If you don’t like UA policies go fly Delta, if you can find a flight that has not been canceled! Passengers are purchasing a service that UA provides and can choose at anytime to modify, read the contracts you bed wetting plebes. Freaking special snowflakes. You think your patients rank higher than grounding a plane and the company loosing millions because you did not allow for a delay? Freaking idiots go find a better airline, if you can.

    1. Wow Don you really seem to have some deep seeded hatred. I hope you are not a steward or pilot for United.

    2. If I pay for something, I’m getting what I paid for. I shouldn’t have to give up what I bought because the company didn’t plan ahead for their own needs. Product, service, whatever it is. This would be like waiting in the line on Black Friday at Best Buy, getting ypur 50″ tv and paying for it just to be stopped at the door and told that Ken who works in the computers department had called dibs on one of those tv’s and they’re all sold out now so you have to let him have it and all they’ll offer you is a gift card for the inconvenience.

  4. Well lets hope that Dr wasn’t on his way to give little Billy that transplant he has been waiting for. Yes, Billy is only 6 and dreams of being a superhero but knows he has 3 days to live and the surgery is last minute but if United can bump his Dr they can avoid paying a crew at the next airport overtime to cover for these late shows. So Billy please remember as you gasp your last breaths….UNITED ISN’T MAKE A WISH.

    I was once forcibly bumped from a flight. Despite my protests and calm reasoning that I was rushing home from my active duty post to try to be with dad before they pulled the plug. No-go because A Southwest Gold member needed to get to his sons recital.

    1. Well, he won’t get there any faster by spending hours trespassing, getting himself forcibly removed, and quite likely being arrested for violating federal criminal law. There’s a good reason airlines aren’t interested in your story: if they start making boarding decisions based on stories, every lying asshole’s gonna have a doozy.

      1. Right Ken, because all customers are “lying asshole’s” right? Another UA employee defending UA brown shirt policies. Do you and Don share a cube?

      2. Not all passengers are lying assholes, but lying assholes fly, too. Going by who has the best story isn’t a fair or time-efficient way of handling bumps. The best and most common way to handle them is to get volunteers.

        I am not a UA employee.

  5. Strange that there is a Donald Palumbo on Linked that shows to work for United. Great to see that the only ones defending this horrible company are employees. Go United or go home.

  6. I’ve been both an airline employee and a passenger, and truth be told it’s never about the people, it is only ever about economics and ensuring national safety, although that still comes after the money. Wherever the human element is involved things are liable to get messy and confusing, frankly because people’s egos get in the way. Running an airline is not rocket science, and it should run very smoothly, but economics and people ruin it. During peak months flights are often delayed, and it’s often due to human error or belligerence, or just plain greed on the part of the airline, as is true of this particular case.

    Btw folks, I do enjoy a good debate, but please proof-read your damned comments before you post them! Jeez…

  7. Lmao wow if Ken S and Don Palumbo are whom UA sent out to recover from this PR nightmare I can understand why the company is going down the tubes.

    1. I have family who work in the airline industry, but I do not and never have.

      1. So do they work in the “I don’t give a damn about the customers” department or are they part of the “Stomping a paying customers face” squad?

        1. No, Ken, it’s not better. Your warped sense of history is damaging and offensive. Please cease from commenting on this thread or I’ll block you from my site.

      2. Should have left it up Cale for the world to see. Ken might have been able to argue his point and pull some bad PR off United, but his ignorant and racist remarks shut down any chance of allowing people to consider his point. Truly an example of how a racist person can kill any idea no matter how good the cause is.

      3. Should have left it up Cale for the world to see. Ken might have been able to argue his point and pull some bad PR off United, but his ignorant and racist remarks shut down any chance of allowing people to consider his point. Truly an example of how a racist person can kill any idea no matter how good the cause is.

  8. OMG! I wanted to believe that this was just an incident that got out of hand and was being covered by the news in a one sided way to make United look poorly, but why would a United employee try to defend this error in such a negative and belittling way to their paying customers. I will never fly United again not because of this incident but because of the toxic attempts at justifying the company’s actions. Shame United.

    1. Do you really think United gives a F#€k about you and your measly dollars?

      1. Could you perhaps use a different display name instead of making yourself indistinguishable from me except to the moderators?

  9. You people need to come back to reality. You don’t like United policies? Take the time to read your ticket agreements next time and maybe your face won’t look like you went 20 rounds in the UFC or just drive. The company was more than profitable last year without you and will be this year too.

    1. “Stock in United Continental Holdings dropped by more than 4% at one point on Tuesday, and at one point nearly $1bn (£800m) was wiped off its value – but prices later recovered partially.”

  10. Let’s be civil here. Which makes me wonder, can there really be a civil war? makes no sense

  11. Chartering a flight from Chicago to Louisville would have cost about $2,000 for the 350-mile journey. They bumped four people at $800 each, or a total of $3,200. Oops, make that THREE people for a total of $2,400. Still a bargain.

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